Nicola Sturgeon’s Comedy Festival Debut: Laughing Off the Taxes She Raised But Won’t Pay?
Sturgeon Makes a Comeback: But not as Jimmy Crankie
Ed Grimshaw
11/9/20243 min read
Nicola Sturgeon, former First Minister and soon-to-be comedy queen, is gearing up to headline “Books & Banter” at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival. Yes, the woman who spent the last decade raising taxes on Scots is now embracing a career move that will let her—conveniently—dodge the very taxes she once championed. It’s as if the punchline’s been written for her: raise everyone else’s taxes, then jump ship to a limited company of her own. For someone so serious about “paying your fair share,” Sturgeon seems to be treating tax policy a bit like a gym membership—ideal for everyone else, but personally, she’ll pass.
In a twist almost too rich to be true, this comedy gig offers her the chance to rake in earnings while avoiding the very tax hike she presided over. Imagine her on stage: “I thought raising taxes was the best way to support Scotland. But then I remembered—why not just write off a bit of ‘banter’ as a business expense?” Glaswegians, known for their no-nonsense attitude, may appreciate the honesty if she leans into the irony, though they’ll certainly see through any attempts to dodge the subject. After all, they’ve been paying the price for her policies, even if she won’t be.
From Tax Raiser to Tax Dodger: The Funniest Transition Yet?
Sturgeon could deliver a killer line by turning her own tax policy into a joke. “You know, after years of telling everyone to pay up, I thought it was only fair to set up a limited company so I could keep a bit more of my own.” It’s satire that writes itself: a former politician, still fresh off the back of a tax-heavy legacy, “relocating” to the comedy circuit where the only taxman she needs to worry about is her accountant. It’s one thing to talk tax justice from a podium, quite another to dodge it from a stage.
She could even add: “I was just giving back to Scotland. Turns out, comedy’s the best way to keep a bit back from Scotland too!” The Glasgow crowd, sharp-eyed and quick-witted, will catch the irony with ease. They remember well the days of rising taxes on their wages, property, and pints. Watching the architect of those policies transform herself into a tax-avoiding performer may be the only joke they don’t laugh at.
The Political Punchlines: Ferries, Care Homes, and “Tax as a Joke”
Of course, Sturgeon could run through her greatest hits with a sharp dose of humour. A few self-deprecating zingers about the ferry scandal might go down well: “Turns out I was better at sinking ferries than raising them—but at least I kept the budget under control by avoiding my own taxes!” And then there’s the infamous COVID care home policy. She might dare to make light of it with: “We all wanted to support our local communities during COVID. Unfortunately, I just happened to support mine in reverse.”
But the question of taxes—those she raised, those she’s now sidestepping—is the potential goldmine. She could tell the crowd, “I wanted to show my dedication to Scottish taxes by raising them for everyone else. But then I realised—limited companies are so much more, well, me.” In a city where few have the luxury of dodging the taxes they’ve been saddled with, this line could be the Glasgow equivalent of shouting “fire” in a crowded theatre.
Glasgow’s Verdict: Laughing with Her or at Her?
This gig will be an acid test of whether Sturgeon can turn her contradictions into comedy gold—or if the crowd will see her as yet another political figure laughing all the way to the bank. If she leans into the scandal, embraces the hypocrisy, and owns the irony of raising taxes while avoiding them, she might just charm a crowd that usually doesn’t suffer politicians lightly. But if she tries to dodge it, or worse, pretends not to notice the elephant in the room, she may face Glasgow’s legendary hecklers and find out just how funny they find the idea of tax hikes they’ve paid for—and she hasn’t.
So will Nicola Sturgeon’s comedy career be her final act of public service or just another exercise in personal profit? The answer may depend on whether she’s willing to turn her own policies into punchlines. After all, the audience is ready for a laugh—if only because, this time, they won’t be the ones paying for it.