Labour’s & Keir Starmers Masterclass in Ducking, Dodging, and Passing the Buck

The Labour Party’s response to the Oldham grooming scandal inquiry is less a principled stand and more an exercise in political limbo dancing: “How low can we go?” Jess Phillips, safeguarding minister and apparent head of the “Not My Problem” department, has declared that the issue is a local council matter, absolving the government of any responsibility. Meanwhile, Keir Starmer, Prime Minister and once head of the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS), lurks awkwardly in the background, quietly hoping no one remembers who was in charge during the height of the grooming gang scandals. Spoiler alert: we do.

Starmer’s CPS Legacy: A Lesson in Convenient Amnesia

During his tenure as DPP (2008–2013), Starmer admitted to the CPS failing victims of grooming gangs, a rare confession from the man who usually operates with the charm of an instructional manual. Starmer cited “credibility issues” with victims as a reason cases weren’t prosecuted — a diplomatic way of saying “we didn’t believe them.”

Fast forward to 2025, and Labour is now circling the wagons, refusing a public inquiry into Oldham that might shed light on how these failures occurred. The official line? “It’s up to the council.” The real line? “Let’s not dig too deep; we might find Keir.”

Elon Musk, never one to miss a political pile-on, gleefully pounced on Starmer’s record, dubbing him “two-tier Keir” for being soft on grooming gangs while tough on social media offenders. Musk may not understand UK politics, but he’s nailed Labour’s biggest PR problem: a leader with a credibility gap bigger than his polling lead.

Jess Phillips: Safeguarding the PM, Not the Victims

Jess Phillips, always ready with a quip about how much she cares, has decided the best way to safeguard children is to safeguard Keir Starmer’s reputation. Her refusal to launch a government-backed inquiry reeks of political self-preservation.

Her argument that the council should handle it is as flimsy as a manifesto promise. Because, of course, local councils are renowned for their power to compel witnesses and enforce accountability, right? The result will likely be a report so toothless it could be sponsored by the British Dental Association.

Social media critics have pointed out that Phillips’ reluctance might have something to do with her own slim majority in Birmingham Yardley, where Muslim voters form a significant part of her constituency. Coincidence? She’d like you to think so, but even her most ardent supporters might struggle to believe this isn’t a politically calculated dodge.

Labour’s Favourite Scapegoat: The Local Council

Labour’s strategy here seems to be borrowed directly from a dodgy plumber’s playbook: when the leaks start showing, blame the subcontractor. By passing the buck to Oldham council, Labour hopes to avoid messy questions about systemic failings.

Never mind that local councils lack the resources and authority to tackle issues of this magnitude. It’s a bit like asking the janitor to fix a broken nuclear reactor — destined to fail, but hey, at least Labour can claim it wasn’t their fault.

The Musk Factor: Kicking Labour While It’s Down

Enter Elon Musk, the billionaire grenade-thrower who’s taken a sudden interest in UK politics. Musk’s critique of Labour — though delivered with all the nuance of a tabloid headline — lands squarely on an uncomfortable truth: Starmer’s leadership is increasingly defined by avoidance and obfuscation.

Musk’s barbs, like calling Phillips “disgraceful” and accusing her of covering for Starmer, are inflammatory but resonate with an electorate already sceptical of Labour’s sincerity. His “two-tier Keir” moniker is brutal in its simplicity, and while Musk’s own credibility is questionable, his ability to capitalise on Labour’s missteps is undeniable.

Nigel Farage: The Populist Pantomime Villain

Even Nigel Farage couldn’t resist piling on, accusing both Labour and the Conservatives of failing victims for over a decade. And while he’s not wrong, his outrage rings hollow when you remember that his Reform UK party thrives on railing against problems rather than solving them. Farage criticising inaction is like a pyromaniac complaining about fire hazards.

Labour’s Strategy: A Public Relations Treadmill

Labour’s handling of this scandal perfectly encapsulates its broader political strategy under Starmer: avoid risks, manage perceptions, and hope nobody notices the lack of action.

• Why Lead When You Can Delegate? Starmer’s government has mastered the art of outsourcing blame, whether it’s to local councils, historical inquiries, or, presumably, the weather.

• Promises, Promises: Labour’s rhetoric about justice for victims is as empty as an Oldham council chamber on a Friday afternoon. The party talks a big game but consistently stops short of delivering meaningful change.

• The Reputation Bubble: Starmer’s rise was built on an image of integrity and competence, but the Oldham scandal exposes cracks in that façade. For voters, it feels less like he’s leading and more like he’s managing — poorly.

Conclusion: A Scandal Wrapped in a Farce

The Oldham grooming scandal isn’t just a tragedy; it’s a political minefield that Labour is desperately trying to tiptoe through. Jess Phillips’ refusal to back a public inquiry, coupled with Starmer’s dubious record as DPP, leaves the party looking evasive at best and complicit at worst.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk’s bombastic critiques, though exaggerated, tap into genuine public frustration with a Labour government that promised change but seems content to shuffle responsibility. Nigel Farage, ever the opportunist, lurks on the sidelines, ready to exploit the fallout for his own gain.

For voters, the message is clear: Labour’s approach to leadership is less about accountability and more about damage control. Starmer may have hoped to position himself as a steady hand on the tiller, but in the court of public opinion, he’s beginning to look more like the captain of a ship adrift.

If Labour doesn’t change course soon, it won’t just be victims of systemic failure demanding justice — it’ll be the electorate demanding answers. And this time, "ask the council" won’t cut it.