Ed Miliband - Zero no hero

In the pantheon of political misadventures, Ed Miliband’s career reads like a tragicomic saga, peppered with baffling decisions, unshakable idealism, and the kind of gaffes that make you wonder how he still manages to secure plum government jobs. From forgetting the deficit in a Labour Party conference speech to engineering Jeremy Corbyn’s rise through an ill-conceived voting system reform, Miliband’s legacy is less about leadership and more about how many times he’s tripped over his own feet. And now, thanks to Keir Starmer, he’s back—this time with a lofty mission to turn the British countryside into a solar-panelled, wind-turbine paradise under the guise of Net Zero.

Why did Starmer—who prides himself on being the sensible adult in the room—give Miliband the job of Secretary of State for Energy Security and Net Zero in 2024? Perhaps it was a strategic decision. After all, Miliband is something of an environmental crusader these days, having spent years lamenting climate change as if it were a personal vendetta against his reputation. Or perhaps, more cynically, it was Starmer’s way of throwing Miliband a bone, knowing full well that Ed’s dreamy idealism about renewable energy could help Starmer keep his hands clean on more contentious issues. One thing’s for sure: the appointment has left Britain’s farmers, energy consumers, and anyone with a passing interest in food security scratching their heads.

From Deficit Amnesia to Green Delusions

Let’s rewind to that infamous moment in 2014 when Miliband, standing on the stage at Labour’s conference, forgot to mention the one issue that had been hammering his party for years: the deficit. It was the most glaring omission in British political speech-making history, a blunder so spectacular that it managed to eclipse all his other foibles—at least for a while. The deficit was Labour’s Achilles’ heel, and Miliband had prepared extensively to address it. But when it came time to deliver the line, it just slipped out of his mind, like a balloon floating into the stratosphere.

This wasn’t just a gaffe; it was symbolic of Miliband’s broader disconnect from reality. The man who wanted to steer Britain’s economy had forgotten the economic issue of the day. And yet, somehow, the man who couldn’t remember the deficit is now leading Britain’s energy transformation, preaching about Net Zero as if he’s the modern-day prophet of environmentalism.

The Corbyn Catastrophe: Ed’s Biggest Blunder

But Miliband’s real gift to the nation wasn’t just his forgetfulness over fiscal policy—it was his reform of Labour’s voting system in 2014. In what can only be described as the political equivalent of pouring petrol on a bonfire, Miliband’s decision to introduce a “one member, one vote” system sounded like a triumph of democracy but turned out to be an act of sheer naiveté. This opened the door to the hard-left faction of the Labour Party, leading directly to the rise of Jeremy Corbyn—the man who would drive Labour to its worst electoral defeat in decades.

It’s almost Shakespearean: Miliband, trying to democratise the party, accidentally gave power to a grassroots movement that elected a leader as unelectable as Corbyn. The political novice who couldn’t tell a windfall tax from a flat cap suddenly found himself at the helm of the Labour Party, steering it towards ideological purity—and electoral irrelevance. And while Corbyn ran Labour into the ground, Miliband could only watch from the sidelines, presumably with the same expression he wore while chewing that infamous bacon sandwich.

Starmer’s Poisoned Chalice?

So why did Keir Starmer give Miliband another crack at the political limelight? Some suggest it was a move to placate the soft left of the party, a sop to the green-leaning faction that still holds a torch for Miliband’s climate rhetoric. Others believe Starmer simply wanted someone to spearhead the environmental agenda who had some credibility with the party’s base. In truth, it might be simpler than that: giving Miliband the Net Zero brief was Starmer’s way of giving him something to do that wouldn’t interfere too much with Labour’s real priorities.

After all, Starmer isn’t daft. He knows Miliband’s grand plans are high on utopian dreams but low on practicalities. Appointing him as the poster boy for Britain’s renewable future is a clever way to neutralise him. If Ed wants to talk about covering Britain in solar panels and wind turbines, Starmer gets to nod along, looking like he’s supporting bold environmental action, while quietly ensuring the core of the Labour strategy stays grounded in reality.

A Fresh-Faced Idealist Who Missed the Memo on Real Life

Miliband’s latest plan—his green revolution—is typical of the man: high on ambition, low on practicality. Britain is already struggling with soaring energy prices, an unreliable renewable grid, and growing concerns over food security. And what does Miliband propose? Turning Britain’s valuable farmland into a patchwork of solar panels and wind turbines. Yes, in a world where food shortages are becoming a genuine concern, Ed thinks it’s a good idea to sacrifice fields of wheat and barley in favour of fields full of shiny tech that doesn’t even work half the time because—spoiler alert—the sun doesn’t always shine and the wind doesn’t always blow.

It’s classic Miliband. He’s a political version of the fresh-faced graduate who walks into a boardroom convinced they can fix everything with a whiteboard and some trendy buzzwords, only to realise that the real world is much messier. He’s so caught up in his eco-idealism that he’s forgotten the basics: people need to eat, farmers need to farm, and energy needs to be reliable. But why let such trifles get in the way of a Net Zero utopia?

Britain’s New Patchwork: Food or Solar Panels?

Miliband’s dream of Net Zero is fast becoming a nightmare for Britain’s farmers. While the rest of the world is waking up to the fact that food security is critical, Miliband seems more interested in replacing crops with solar farms and wind turbines. This isn’t just a poor policy decision—it’s a dangerous one. Farmers, who are already battling rising costs and unpredictable weather, are now expected to give up their land for Ed’s eco-fantasy. It’s almost laughable if it weren’t so reckless.

And here’s the irony: Miliband, who bangs the drum for sustainability, is forgetting one of the most fundamental aspects of a sustainable society—feeding its people. While his green vision might look good in party manifestos and Guardian op-eds, the reality is that Britain cannot power its economy on wind and sunlight alone, nor can it replace productive farmland with an endless sprawl of renewable tech.

The Legacy of Ed Miliband: Idealism Without the Reality Check

At the heart of Miliband’s political journey is a man who, time and again, proves that good intentions are not enough. From forgetting the deficit to championing Corbyn to now wanting to swap food for solar panels, Miliband’s career is a case study in political overreach. His ideas sound wonderful on paper—until you realise that they’re written in crayon.

Ed Miliband may believe he’s saving the planet, but in the process, he’s sidelining basic common sense. His green agenda is noble in theory, but in practice, it’s a recipe for soaring energy bills, unreliable power, and a countryside covered in solar panels and wind farms instead of crops and cattle.

Starmer’s Risk: Letting Ed Run Free

So what insights can we take from Starmer’s decision to give Miliband the Net Zero job? It’s a bit like giving a toddler the keys to the toy car—it keeps them occupied and out of trouble while the adults get on with the serious business of running the country. Starmer knows Miliband can wax lyrical about wind turbines without causing too much damage—because, in reality, Ed’s grand vision is likely to remain just that: a vision.

But the real risk? That Miliband’s green fantasies start seeping into actual policy, and the rest of us are left footing the bill—financially and agriculturally. Britain’s fields need to stay green with crops, not with solar panels. And for all his environmental credentials, Ed Miliband might want to remember that feeding people is part of sustainability too. After all, we can’t eat wind turbines.